i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
