sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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