My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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