Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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