you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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