i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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