piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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