Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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