I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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