The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
