alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize