I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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