Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my poor anus
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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