Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
