I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
