Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
