you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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