Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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