He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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