Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
