This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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