Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
