Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
