theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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