You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
