There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
