I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The air was thick with penises
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
