I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
