True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
