we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
