Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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