I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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