I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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