You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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