you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
