2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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