YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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