I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
