You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
