Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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