You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
