i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
