Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
