Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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