dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
