I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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