I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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