Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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