Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
