May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
