My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
