that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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