The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
