I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
