I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
