I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
