My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
