Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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