I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
