is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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