so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
