I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
