We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
