It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
