Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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