Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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