Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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