"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
