What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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