I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
