yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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