That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
