i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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