How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
