I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
