god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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