NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
