your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
