why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
