I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
