Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Randomize