so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
